Drunken College Grad With Honors Terrorizes Neighbors in Underwear

Another great story for the grandkids..

Carpe diem – “Seize the Day”

And seize the day I did, drunk and in my underwear the night of my college graduation.  It was a nice sunny day and I had my robe on and listened to the guest speaker (Chuck Norris) at the graduation ceremony, having such relief that so many years of sitting in boring classes that seemed pointless was finally over!

It turns out I sleepwalk when drunk, or at least drunk on a certain type of wine.  After I got home I drank a bottle of wine (forgot the brand or type….and basically everything else until I woke up the next morning with a hangover in jail), then I went to sleep in my boxers, the way I normally go to sleep.  Then in my drunken amnesia, a scene straight out of “The Hangover” began to take place…

Ok so then I wake up in jail and I have paperwork in my little tub with a tiny bar of soap, a toothbrush (brand name “Bob Barker”….).  So with no explanation of why I am in jail, I decide to read these orange papers in front of me.  “Attempted First Degree Burglary – Felony”, and there was 2 of these.  I was shocked!  Well the next day they shackled me up, hands and feet and I went out of the jail, camera’s from the local/state news following me to transport in a van to go to court.  I find out I am facing 16 years in prison!  And I don’t remember anything!

My bond was set at $16k but my lawyer got it lowered to where I could get bonded out.  Then I get home and find out I was the highlight of the state news channel in North Carolina and South Carolina.  I went to the internet to see what it said.  “Drunken Grad Terrorizes Neighborhood Wearing Only Boxers.”  Apparently after going to sleep I woke up and wandered the neighborhood and got to a house and thought it was my own house but strangely there was a man inside, with a shotgun pointed at me.  So logically I go to pick up a lawn chair and throw it through the sliding glass door to try and scare this intruder out of my house.  That didn’t work and the police “followed my trail” whatever that means and found me near my house and took me to jail.

They realized eventually I wasn’t a burglar so I pleaded down to a misdemeanor and they determined I actually did think it was my own house and ironically I thought that man was breaking and entering into my house when it was me who was at least “breaking” (but not entering).

So it was on the 6pm and 10pm news in two states.  Then came the Facebook comments from the people at my University flaming me badly for giving the school a bad name.  What could I say?  I don’t know.  This is one of the reasons I stopped drinking.  I haven’t slept walked since.  If you google, you can find the original story.  You would probably need my name.  I might try to find it and post it.  It’s pretty hilarious actually.  They said I was in my boxers and they were all torn up and bloody.  I jumped a fence apparently when the cops were chasing me through the woods and got all cut up and broke my toe.  And the neighbor with the shotgun said he almost shot me as I started to walk in the doorway I had just broken, but there must have been a speck of sense/fear of getting shot so I did run away thank goodness.

So I did some community service, a few days in jail, and paid a lot of money to the court system and to the people I “terrorized.” to replace the things I damaged.  They also said I tried to open a few other neighbors doors and I pushed over someone’s BBQ grill and damaged it.

Kids, don’t drink and sleep.

This is my life, I have no secrets.  Laugh at my pain!!

(want to see the link?  here ya go )

 

And I do want to thank and praise Jesus Christ for saving me from my many sins, including these.  I really am a new creation in Him and while I do find humor in these things, I do want to share the amazing transformation Christ has done in my life.  I now have the blood of Christ that has washed away my sins and I have faith I am forgiven and a child of God and will praise Him for all eternity in Heaven!  I’m still not perfect, but He’s still working on me!

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Autism at 30

Fade Away

Colors they all fade away, life I feel I cannot stay

Life expected nowhere near, death and darkness now I fear

 

Time I see is breaking down, smiling faces turn to frown

Traded jewels for broken dreams, left with nothing so it seems.

 

Realizing so much pain,  structures falling all in vain.

What do now but all complain? Just be silent, give no blame.

Maybe one day things will change, away from what is now so strange

What to do when hurt and burned, do much damage not deserved

Forgiveness how can I receive, after all I have deceived

Crushed His name all in the dirt, fallen soldier broken worth

 

Here’s my soul for you to see, black and blue full of disease

Take me now where will I go, hurry before winter’s snow

Here’s the darkness now I see, coming down right after me

Hold my shield of faith and pray, may I see my Lord one day.

More about Me…

All my childhood I was very shy.  Well, I still am today.  I remember when I first got to high school that once I got my first car at 16 things would be different.  Maybe then people would like me and I would have the confidence to communicate with my peers and make friends.  At 16 I did get a car and I did get “friends,” but they were bought at a price, and most knew they could use me for rides and other things.  These people ended up not being the good types of people that I knew in my neighborhood growing up.  Hit like a hurricane I was surrounded by drugs and violence.  And I convinced myself that these were my friends, and I needed to be like them for them to accept me up until age 15 I had never even seen any type of drug other than alcohol.  I grew up with a foundation of good morals and I was against drugs and those who used them.  I was so lonely I felt I had to sacrifice my innocence just to get a taste of the forbidden fruit and to have a sense of belonging as fake as it was.  

I was tired of being bullied my whole life.  Why did everyone hate me? About 8-9 misdemeanors later by my early 20’s, I realized the bad investment I made for my life.  I have committed crimes against many people and society itself.  So many things I get flashbacks of the things I did in my drunkenness and the learned willingness to steal and lie to feed the disgusting “lifestyle.”I managed to graduate college with honors and managed to get away from all those past associates.  About 4 years later I still noticed I had that shy feeling that made me want to hide from all mankind.  For some reason I was terrified because socially I felt like a young teenager in a young adults body.  I had to keep mimicking social behavior.  I couldn’t allow people to know I was crazy and lock me up.  I knew people fear what they don’t understand so I tried to still fit in.  And sadly alcohol was the only thing that allowed me to be able to function at all in public.  My 20’s were a train wreck, no need to go into details.  I tried being sober but I couldn’t even go to church without having a few beers in me (and often having a cup of wine during the service).  I hated myself.  I still do.  I felt as though I had 2 choices: don’t go to church and face the social adversity, or desecrate God’s church by drinking to be able to go and put on a fake smile and shake hands and all other things that had no meaning to me and were awkward.  Why am I so terrified of people?  Why do they seem so distant and foreign?  It’s like everyone got the book and class on social behavior but me.  I must be on the wrong planet.

I knew I was manic depressive (bi-polar) by my late 20’s but it wasn’t until almost my 30th birthday that I found out I was on the autism spectrum.  30 years of misunderstood problems now realized.  I was and am still now horrified, saddened, shocked, and slightly relieved at least that now I know why I have always felt like a monster.  Now I know why I am this way.  But what to do now?  I can’t work, I don’t have any friends, I live alone, I can’t force myself to go to church, I probably will always be alone and never have a wife or kids, and for hours each day I have horrifying flashbacks of bad things I did in the past I did in desperation to hide what I did not understand.

But as I think about it, I’m a lot better off than so many people, and also worse off than many people.  So who even complain where God has placed me.  I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.  All I have to work with is broken dreams that have faded away in darkness and despair.  I can’t forgive myself.  I feel sad for my lonely and broken state, but I mourn for all the people I have hurt on my path of destruction.  How can I ever fix or repair the things I have done?  How can I ever lift my head up and have any confidence or pride? How can I even go to God and expect forgiveness after I have offended Him so many times when I knew better?

Do I blame it all on being bi-polar and being autistic?  Does that take any of the sting off of the horror?  I refuse to place my sins all on those disorders or traits.  I hurt people sometimes and don’t even realize it until later.  So what do I do?  I’ve hated myself so much in the past I have cut and burned my body to punish myself.  Why can’t I go back to that innocence and morality I had at age 15?

I sit in this apartment and slowly die, looking forward to 30 more years of mourning in horror and sorrow of all the pain I have caused to others, and the disgrace I have been as a child of God.

Matthew 13: 3-9 “And he told them many things in parables, saying: “A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root,they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. He who has ears, let him hear.””

Still a speck of hope.  Still a mustard seed of faith.  Here I am God, do with me as you please.  I’m alone waiting and trusting in You.  I have many sins I know Christ’s blood can cover.  I don’t deserve forgiveness.  I even feel like rejecting it in my shame.  The horror and despair I face now constantly being reminded of my past is so intense, I don’t know how much longer I can stand.

(It’s been a few months since I originally wrote all this.  I’m actually doing a lot better and am about to join a great church I’ve been visiting each Sunday!  Thank you all for your love, help, and support!)

Holding On – Reality Meets Entropy

I am no good for anyone.  I only cause pain for others, and only focus on my own.  It’s best for me to be alone permanently and only look from a distance and hope God blesses others and protects them from evil people like me.  I have no purpose, no plan, no options.  With my scientific mind I have a hard time with faith and the older I get the dimmer it gets, and the world that used to be amazing and filled with color and light is now faded to grey.  I don’t want to be here anymore.  I fear death and life equally which has stopped me from moving at all.  I am lukewarm and entropy is taking it’s toll on all of us.  All we can do is look at the young and see that sparkle and wonder that we used to have.  We know how things go but we don’t want to ruin it for them.  Let them be happy and joyful in their imagination with endless possibilities, giving us a short reminder of how we thought life would turn out to be.  Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny; all fade quickly then there is nothing left but Christ and a world of despair.

Past childhood everyone goes into a downhill slide of misery.  Reality starts to tremble as we realize we have been tricked in our perception.  We hold onto objects and purpose for dear life to feel alive and to try and postpone the inevitable.  We all grow up thinking we will live forever.  Most elderly people still think something will happen to keep them going.  Because our minds are trained to wake up and go to sleep and after years of that we think it will never end.  It’s like training a dog.  Our perception is false and time and age slowly drop down the veil of the utter chaos, evil, and dread that the fall has created for us, and the realization of the deep evils inside of us that will never be gone until glorification.  We all chose sin and now we live in temporary hell.
I don’t want to spoil life for anyone.  But once the veil falls you can never get back up again  We can’t save ourselves in any way.  We must stop looking for answers and be silent, trusting no other human beings for deep revelation.  Only God’s domain is true reality.  All of this is hell with sprinkles on top and as we eat our way down we realize what we have bitten into, what we have entered into.  We all have been tricked.  We live in the first hell which is bound by time.  And Satan is the king of this world.  How can we have any happiness in this world if we understand how horrid it really is, how disgusting our minds and mouths are.  How can we pray with the same tongue that curses others in so many ways, most of which we don’t even realize.
Light just doesn’t spark back up once it’s put out.  We wait in silence for the Creator, we have failed and can only hope that His Kingdom will one day be our home.  That hope is all we will ever have for permanent purpose and understanding, joy and peace.  But right now we are for sure in a bad place and must understand this is not our home.  How can we enjoy anything that isn’t a blessing from God?  How can we be entertained by sports, violence, hobbies to take our minds off reality.  We wake up and know we must do anything to survive, hoard everything we can as backup if something goes wrong.  We are sliding down a wet rope and throughout life we have moments where we can hold on tight for a little while and pretend just like we did as children.
God have mercy on us all.

Resources for Adults and Parents of Children with Aspergers and Autism

Wrong Planet – Online community and resource for those with Asperger’s Syndrome. – A great forum
Facebook Groups: 
Aspergers Syndrome New Zealand (Great group of people here, doesn’t matter where you come from you are welcome!) –
(Sorry for the poor editing, it was a mess transferring all of this from Blogger)

Don’t Eat Subway and Drive: The Joys of Having a Breathylizer

Before I realized why I was insane I used to drink alcohol throughout each day just to be able to be around people and go to school (yes, I actually graduated college with a 3.7GPA, and even more surprising I’m still living).  At first the alcohol seemed to be a good logical choice; it allowed me to be around people, avoid stress, and escape my insanity and pretend to be like all of you.  Well this started to wear off somewhere in my early 20’s. I needed more alcohol and since I drank all day, this caused problems when I drove.  I am not proud of my drinking and driving in the past, nor am I of the 2 underage DWI’s and the 2 regular ones.  I’ve since quit drinking, went 4 years without a license (from the last one, 7 total), but in the past 1.5 years I’ve had the joy of having a breathalyzer installed in my car issued by the DMV and serviced by the wonderful people at Monitech.

Boy are these fun!  Now just let me complain, I did my time going without the license and paid many thousands of dollars in court fines/lawyer fees, and 100’s of hours of community service.  It’s amazing to realize how much alcohol surrounds our environment and even in our bodies naturally.  This thing has failed me from smoking a berry flavored cigar, a 6-inch Subway sandwich (from the oil/vinegar), and even an energy drink (I’m guessing something like the taurine set it off).  So now I’m living in constant fear of driving even though I’ve been sober a long time.  And I know, I sewed these seeds and I’m reaping this fear and annoyance but wow is this a screwed up system.  And the fees are ridiculous  $60 a month just to “rent” it for 3 years, $35-$50 for “maintenece or recall if the device starts acting up/showing alcohol readings when it shouldn’t”, and the best one – a $1550 fee if your unit breaks and cannot be repaired or if it gets stolen.  Oh but you can buy monthly insurance for that for around $25-$50 a month.  And the device will drain your car battery dead in 2 days, so you have to buy a charger and hook it up to your battery every time you get home and park (see attached image to see what happens when you forget to fully close your hood while forgetting to unplug the charger).  And it sucks in the winter because it takes about 3-5 minutes for it to warm up to be able to use.

So now I will have to go to a hearing for them to determine if I will be able to keep my license after viewing the data that claims I consumed alcohol while trying to start my car up.

Here is the sequence of events that is risking me to get my license revoked and to start this 3 year Breathylizer process again:

0:00 – Start up the car, passed with a .0000

0:30 – After going in the gas station and trying to start my car up again, it registers over a .08, above the legal limit!

1:05 – After the thing locks my ignition from starting up and waiting the 30 minute lockout time, I blow a .0000 and pass, then go home, then 20 minutes later, start the car up again and blow a .0000 and go to my parents house to eat dinner.

So according to the Breathalyzer I was fully sober before going to the gas station, then I drank 3-4 beers at the gas station and blew over a .08, then magically after the 30 minute lockout I became .0000 fully sober.  And it appears the DMV believes that over the fact that Breathalyzer’s are very unreliable and so many things can cause it to go off (not rinsing your mouth before you blow since food particles can ferment in your mouth, vinegar, bread/yeast, tobacco smoke, and any forms of fruit and fruit flavored products like a berry flavored cigar).  And in the manual it says, it’s your own responsibility to find out what foods and drinks can possibly cause a failure on the test.  The problem is it’s virtually endless.  The only way to be sure you won’t fail is to not drink, eat, or smoke anything for an hour before you drive (and this is all non-alcoholic I’m talking about).

So just remember kids, don’t eat Subway and drive.

Having your hood fly up and be stuck to the windshield, having glass shatter in your face while going 45mph crossing a bridge is not fun at the time, but hilarious a few days after.

Having your hood fly up and be stuck to the windshield, having glass shatter in your face while going 45mph crossing a bridge is not fun at the time, but hilarious a few days after.

Yes, this actually happened!

Yes, this actually happened!

http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1lbpj6868o

Oh, and here’s more ranting I did after getting my first fail, discussing how the DMV had Monitech change the settings on them that make them mess up so often –

New Unfair Laws for Monitech’s Breathalyzer Enforced by the DMV

Laugh at my pain!

No sorry, this isn’t Kevin Hart (please don’t sue me!…actually go ahead, I’m on disability so you would technically be suing yourself!).  Plus over 1.1 million people already laughed at his pain including myself so hopefully I can entertain a few people through mine.  I figure out of a few hundred jokes I tell about my sad and strange life experiences a few decent gems appear and since I’m broke what better place to try and gather those gems on WordPress!  There’s no alcohol served on the internet so I’m already at a disadvantage.  Plus I’m a Christian so I try my best to leave the obscene stuff out.  Ha, a Christian comedian!   At least I won’t have any competition.  Plus I have a wonderful “mom filter” to help me stay within boundaries.

So myself, am not very interesting but I do seem to find humor in this train wreck we call “society” and the game of life.  Stay tuned and check out my jokes during Comedy Central commercials.

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