Gain for the Individual or the Whole?

When we go to war we are like a diseased cell. When we are young we see the natural selfish direction and it’s so bad we don’t crave things for the entire World whole (the cell), we crave to be important and happy/healthy; individually the most, then for close family, then close friends. But most won’t “take a bullet” for anyone outside of a short list.

Maybe our perspectives have been way off? Should we take out the desire to get recognition and wealth for our ideas?  How much harder would you work to be a millionaire for an idea you came up with and contrast that with how hard you would work on something that would help humanity but you get nothing but what everyone else got, the thing itself.

Might be too hard of the World to ask, but maybe in America. Do you want the “American Dream” or do you want to do a smaller part to help the whole (lol am I sounding like a Communist?)


Research Chemicals; the Adventures of a Psychonaut

There are many things in life we seem to want to keep secret because of shame (or possible fine lines of legality!).  But there is also a time when you start to get past the action of those events and talking about them can be helpful and sometimes make for some good stories.  I’ve began to talk more about my experiences with chemicals with others and for some reason the shame has began to go away and I am left with a lot of interesting stories.  It’s very hard not to think about these things often as they had such an impact on my life and how I view the Universe and my own existence.  I know I’m walking a grey line here, as I was in all my “testing” and “research,” but I’m at the point I really don’t care what people think about me as I believe God has already justified me so as long as He see’s me that way I’m good; plus I don’t think I’ll ever be running for Congress!

Growing up I was different socially.  Three years ago I learned this was from having Aspergers.  So I lived for 30 years in a social environment without knowing the social language.  I had many embarrassing attempts to conform, but ended up at square one every time.  To escape emotional pain and ease social anxieties, I first experimented with alcohol and cannabis.  They both did such a great job, as opposed to everything I had been told; I just didn’t account for the “yang” of their “yin” until I was so deeply ingrained in both I had no way out.  So having only these to work with I ended up having embarrassing police charges (very hard to get a job after you break your neighbors sliding glass door in your underwear in a drunken rage on graduation night from University ;P ).  The DWI’s are the things I’m most shameful of because I did put people at risk, just as I have texting and driving which I’m forcing myself not to do because I know how the pride of control comes before disaster in so many lives.

Ok so that sets up the scene for other chemical avenue’s.  I won’t use the term “drug” as it’s been painted with a brush too wide from our socially acceptable pharmacies to ones like crack cocaine and meth.  But there are countless other synthetic chemicals that have been invented, and are currently being invented in labs all around the World as I write this; these are “research chemicals.”  Most of the community only see’s the top layer of the onion; a news story when something goes wrong.  Like an instance where a teen gets some “bath salts” (a horrible name for people like I was; these chemicals in our small community were the ones we hated, that gave a bad name to the beneficial ones).  And they were very addictive and had the ability to cause psychosis and death.  And it is this fear from few cases I believe that closes the door on many amazing chemicals that I have personally experienced to be much better than what the US Pharmaceutical industry has been offering us the past 50+ years.  News stories pounce on isolated cases to continue the fear that keeps these huge organizations running, that if they stopped running; millions of jobs would be lost and the economy crippled.  So to keep things going smoothly, we must suffer in fear and lose out on the benefits modern scientific research and the best medicines of Nature has to offer.

This is just a small blog and I’m writing this off the cuff just to get it “on paper” so I won’t go into each chemical; I’m a bit hesitant to do so.  There are HUGE risks in experimenting with unregulated chemicals.  While you can do your homework with labs, other’s experiences, and some decent scales; you can have a sense of safety just enough to dive in; but going this route on your own can be disastrous.  I know people doing 20 years in prison for importing large amounts of certain chemicals while the chemicals weren’t even illegal, but Homeland Security wanted to make an example of them with the “Analogue Law”.

I never sold any of these things as first off I’ve never been a good salesman, and second I couldn’t bring myself to distributing any of these chemicals knowing there were people not using precautions before using them and experimenting with their friends; this is how people die, and have died.  Measure a dose without doing an “allergy test”, you end up dead.  A vendor writing the wrong chemical name on a package and you don’t check it; you die.  This is why there have been great communities that do “harm reduction” that haven’t been attacked as much as the underground networks that vend the chemicals.  But still, I wouldn’t even write about those sites because I would NEVER recommend anyone experimenting with anything I ever have except a minute few under medical supervision which isn’t available right now.  Your best bet is to just hope your state legalizes cannabis if it already hasn’t and be content with that!

It’s tough to talk about for various reasons.  One, no one understands unless they have been there, two – I’ve seen things I can’t explain and is frustrating to try and will only sound crazy, and three – I really miss the adventure of taking a ride with new substance after substance; going through new door after door of the mind into uncharted Spiritual zones.  Also I’m not sure how much fuel my brain has left to go on these as some can be very rugged and unwanted.

That’s about all I want to talk about right now.  I’m on the tail end of this thing and not sure where it’s all going to fully stop or if it already has (I don’t take any legal chances as I did, walking on the “grey line” but once you gain knowledge in these area’s there are always legal ways to “travel”!).  So it’s sad to talk about it as if it’s all over.  I have personally tested over 100 chemicals, natural and synthetic.  Excuse my pride but I was the first human even to try a few of them straight out of the lab from sheets of paper like an idiot, skipping the rats and getting right to it!

I’ve seen reality in ways most will never see it and I imagine there will always be a desire to go back to “that place” where things make a lot more sense than they do down here.  And I’m not sure why God saw it fit to put me on the path I’ve been on and what I’m supposed to do with it.  But the shame of doing things society deemed “wrong” to try and fix logical problems has left me.  And now I have a lot of cool stories.  Hopefully God will bless me with people to tell them too one day 🙂

There are tremendous medical benefits to so many of these chemicals but I realize I’m in no position to fund or promote higher research of them.  I can only know my way around it all pretty well, and know which ones do have potential and which ones mainly only do lead to addiction.  There are blurred lines all over the place and you must learn to know yourself very well and be willing to have your ego demolished!  I do hope as society sees that cannabis isn’t something to be afraid of many other chemicals will get their chance to help mankind.

And where is the line drawn with Biblical “sorcery”?  I’m still working on that.  I don’t think it’s so much about the chemicals, but how you use them.  There is very real evil and I have seen it more so on certain chemicals than others, and MUCH more research needs to be done in a professional setting.  I can think of times I abused a chemical and had bad results, and other times really attempting to solve a problem for good and it working out.  The possibilities are so exciting and I can’t wait for society to start to accept this field.

That’s all for now 😛

(for a much more interesting read, check out this –

And a great little video on the man who synthesized many of these chemicals, Alexandar Shulgin – 

God is Real and He Loves Me; Nothing on Earth or Sky Could Make This Any Better

God has been taking me for a ride and cleaning up a lot of area’s where I have lack of trust in Him (sin).  It’s funny years ago I would actually read and watch debates on Apologetics to boost my faith.  Haha, that’s silly now.  I mean He’s right beside me RIGHT NOW.

Something else that changed; instead of talking about God in the 3rd person, now I’m including Him personally in my thoughts and conversations.

It’s amazing how real this is!!!  It gets better and better and better.  And I know there will be suffering, but He’s preparing me for everything according to His awesome perfect majestic plan!


(Seriously, it’s all real.  God is communicating with me DRAMATICALLY intimate.  I tried to prove God’s existence for years and now He entered my life so personally.  I mean helping me when I shop for groceries, looking at things online…..He’s right there with me….)

Oh, and the “therefore’s”…..priceless gems…

All You Really Need in Your Diet; Only Shake You Need For the Day!

Check out Kale and Spinach –

Everything below that is really already covered in those two, even what fruits have to offer (minus all the sugar).  Just don’t eat too much raw kale (can cause issues for people with thyroid problems).  So it’s good to mix Spinach along with the kale.  Now if you do want fruits, things like dark berries can be good.  Fruit juices are just bad, even the 100% fruit ones.  Better to drink nothing but water and maybe some tea.

Along with those vegetables here is basically everything else you really need to stay healthy – yogurt, nuts, beans (research the best beans) dairy, lean meat.  Also for quality protein and amino acids I recommend a daily shake of Optimum Nutrition’s Gold Standard Whey.

A blender is great for people like me who don’t like vegetables.  Put in a scoop of the protein, some kale or spinach (carrots would be third on the list if you don’t eat kale), some yogurt, some peanut butter, then milk or water and you have about the healthiest thing you could possibly consume.  You can also add some blueberries or even chocolate for the taste; but I find the peanut butter and flavored protein is plenty to chug it down each morning.

That’s meal #1 of the day out of 3 (plus 2 snacks to equal 5; for small snacks in between break/lunch and lunch/dinner eat a protein bar, or any of the other things listed above in small portions).  And for lunch and dinner just use common sense for portion size and lean meats.  And feel free to even add fast food or going out to eat not worrying too much a few meals a week for the taste buds!

Best shake I can imagine, and best way to start your day.  Stay away from the American traditional breakfast full of bad stuff!

Chemistry; Exploring Synthetics (Alexandar Shulgin, Dirty Pictures)

(This video is great and lets you into the mind of one of the greatest minds of our time (you can watch it on youtube I think):

I had a 3 year period before I was diagnosed and got on the right meds.  I was obsessed with finding either some cure or explanation to my condition.

I was involved with a group of people who bought and sold various chemicals.  Two people from that place are serving 20 year sentences for selling analogs of meth (if the Law is even Constitutional).

So I did test around 50 chemicals that 99%+ of the pulbic have no idea that exists.  Alexaner Shulgin was a genius who opened so many doors to new synthectic chemicals that were all designed to help people in many different ways.  Sadly the DEA raided Shulgin’s lab and he still struggles and we have an Einstein in our time with Chemistry and hes genius is being wasted.

It was a very strange 3 years.  I was trying to find answers to life with 50+ chemicals over those years and a lot of things changed.  I found some answers I wish I didn’t know.

But anyway, they recently made pretty much everything illegal but things like MXE (amazing depressant relief).

Oh well, at least medical marijuana is legal in 22 states now (2 legal for normal sale).  That and MXE could bring world peace.

But I don’t recommend taking research chemicals.. I almost killed my mom trying to shoot an imaginary alligator shooting a 16g shotgun through the floor.  The 5 days in mental lockup wasn’t fun either!)

Yet Another Drunken Story From My Past (probably the most embarrassing of all!)

I wasn’t going to post this but it seems funny now to me.  I was on a moped/scooter and was at a bar.  The bar closed and I ended up getting in a fight outside and just about broke my nose.

Then there was a day about a week later…

I rode the scooter to the bar and after they closed I realized  I was way too drunk to ride 5 miles to my house.  So I had the bright idea of rolling my scooter in the woods so no one would see me and I could sleep the alcohol off for a while.

Apparently I wasn’t as hidden as I though… I woke up to a semi truck driver poking at me to see if I was alive and was calling the police.  For some reason I was still on the scooter laid over with my helmet on.  The police came and I called my mom to come pick me up, then my dad to come get the scooter since I couldn’t drive it at that point.

Now the embarrassing part: I crapped my pants.  This was no ordinary poo, this was the end result of buffalo wings and a lot of dark beer in me.  They actually felt bad for me.  Another thing the cop said to my mom was “does he have any kids?  He should get some, that should make him more responsible (Seriously?  A drunk guy laying in a ditch who crapped his pants needs a kid?!)

So my dad got the scooter, I didn’t get any tickets.  But that ride alone back to the house sitting on a towel with the windows  down; that embarrassment and awkward ride home was just about punishment enough!  Just imagine the situation.  This semi driver pulls up to deliver something and he see’s me on the scooter like I crashed and might be dead!

And yes, I threw the pants away..


Quitting Smoking – It’s a Lot Easier than You Think! (Great Book)

Allen Carr’s “Easy Way to Stop Smoking” is really good if you want to stop smoking, or really quit anything that isn’t benefiting you when will power alone just won’t cut it.

“About the Author

Allen Carr was a chain-smoker for over thirty years. In 1983, after countless miserable attempts to quit, he discovered what every smoker dreams of-an easy way to stop smoking. Today, his method is taught in over 150 cities and his books have topped bestseller lists in nine countries. Carr’s Easyway method has the highest success rate of any clinically evaluated method. An estimated ten million smokers have quit using his simple, drug-free approach.”

This book is rational and shows you that you need almost zero will power to quit.  Those who smoke have delusions that the nicotine causes and all it takes is some deep thinking on why you smoke, how it makes you feel before, and realizing how the addiction works.  After understanding some of these things it’s really amazing, the desire to smoke naturally goes away.  All the sudden the things start to taste bad, you go hours without even thinking about it.  Then you just decide which one is your last one and if you read the book well it’s an almost guarantee you will quit cold turkey.

Just from looking it up on Google/YouTube I found 2 you tube clips; both Ashton Kutcher and Ellen Degeneres quit after reading the book. (If the book doesn’t give you the motivation, just remind yourself if Ashton Kutcher can quit, anyone can :P)

I just wanted to pass this useful info onto you guys because I know it works because it worked for me, and I’ve tried quitting countless times.  I even went back one time after quitting for 2 years.  But after reading this I can’t see myself ever putting nicotine into my body again.
I’m also on a new diet and working out too; it’s really giving me energy and well-being!  I might make a post of my 2 diets; one for gaining muscle and one for cutting fat without loosing muscle.  I took some fitness classes in college and I’ve spent the past few weeks calculating all kinds of foods/diets and done hours of research finding the right ratio’s of protein fat/carbs for each one.  And I’ve been getting great results 2x the time I expected so it’s working out well.  Any restaurants want to give me free food for life if I claim I ate your food while loosing 20lbs?!
Be safe, take care of your body, and keep training that mind; and always surround yourself with laughter and happy people!