Journal – September 28th, 2014 – New Friends and God’s Medicine

I have no words to express how much God has done in my life the past few months, and especially in the past few weeks.  Through my mom sending me a Francis Chan video weeks ago, I listened to multiple sermons by him and God gifted me with such a higher level of faith that I’ve ever had before.  Before I always either didn’t tithe, or I would give God the leftovers.  Instead of asking how much do I have to give, now I’m asking how much do I GET to give!!  And that turned the tables and now I have the perspective of having more money than I need.  The idea of spending every cent on silver now is foolishness to me.  I have less money wise, but I’m 1000 times happier if not more.

God is putting me in tough situations which I do ask Him for.  Today I met with a wonderful group of brothers and sisters in Christ and God prepared me the night before with a great video about true belief by Sproul Jr (life changing), and the audio book “How to win friends and influence people” (just the first part about focusing on others instead of myself) and I used those principles and people seemed to like me.  That might not sound like a big deal but to someone who has Aspergers and has huge ice walls built up against meeting new people and going into unknown social situations, God gave me the confidence to go in and meet these people and I felt actual friend connections with two of the guys there!  I prayed a desperate prayer about 6 weeks ago to God that He would give me Christian friends because I haven’t been able to stay in the Christian walk alone.  And how He has provided and overflowed my cup!

Today was VERY draining mentally to the point of a very bad panic attack afterwards (it was hard feeling different since everyone else had normal jobs, wives, and kids; so when people asked me “what do you do for a living” I felt awkward and my mind wanted to escape).  So I panicked for hours after that and was about to be upset with God but then I played worship music and told God I trusted in His promises and that He was faithful and I slept for a few hours and woke up feeling just fine.

So this was such a huge hurdle and my social skills were strengthened and walls knocked down.  I believe I have two more friends in Christ along with others in the group I’m not comfortable around.  I look forward to the next time we all meet and meeting new people now.  I wish I could put into words what all this means to me but there is no way.  So many details worked out so perfectly by design I saw God working in all of it.  And I was blessed to be able to suffer for God, trusting in Him that things are going to work out and to keep trusting in Him.  My faith has exploded.  I am so appreciative of these new friends/brothers/sisters in Christ and of course especially my Father in Heaven who loves me and see’s me as a son and is making me more like Christ every day.

To God be all glory.  I can’t wait to see Him working tomorrow!

(Also, when in that panic attack, my mind was craving alcohol and other crutches I’ve used so often in the past to get me through these things to escape the pain.  This time (thank God for antabuse) I had nothing but a few cigars and caffine and they didn’t help at all.  And I realized that this was a turning point in my understanding.  Those things weren’t the true medicine I needed, God showed me that His love casts out all fears, He won’t put me through anything I won’t be able to handle or get through, and that abiding in Him is infinitely better than leaning on things like alcohol.  I now know I don’t have to run from situations but I can embrace them in Him, even the toughest of ones.)

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