There are many things in life we seem to want to keep secret because of shame (or possible fine lines of legality!). But there is also a time when you start to get past the action of those events and talking about them can be helpful and sometimes make for some good stories. I’ve began to talk more about my experiences with chemicals with others and for some reason the shame has began to go away and I am left with a lot of interesting stories. It’s very hard not to think about these things often as they had such an impact on my life and how I view the Universe and my own existence. I know I’m walking a grey line here, as I was in all my “testing” and “research,” but I’m at the point I really don’t care what people think about me as I believe God has already justified me so as long as He see’s me that way I’m good; plus I don’t think I’ll ever be running for Congress!
Growing up I was different socially. Three years ago I learned this was from having Aspergers. So I lived for 30 years in a social environment without knowing the social language. I had many embarrassing attempts to conform, but ended up at square one every time. To escape emotional pain and ease social anxieties, I first experimented with alcohol and cannabis. They both did such a great job, as opposed to everything I had been told; I just didn’t account for the “yang” of their “yin” until I was so deeply ingrained in both I had no way out. So having only these to work with I ended up having embarrassing police charges (very hard to get a job after you break your neighbors sliding glass door in your underwear in a drunken rage on graduation night from University ;P ). The DWI’s are the things I’m most shameful of because I did put people at risk, just as I have texting and driving which I’m forcing myself not to do because I know how the pride of control comes before disaster in so many lives.
Ok so that sets up the scene for other chemical avenue’s. I won’t use the term “drug” as it’s been painted with a brush too wide from our socially acceptable pharmacies to ones like crack cocaine and meth. But there are countless other synthetic chemicals that have been invented, and are currently being invented in labs all around the World as I write this; these are “research chemicals.” Most of the community only see’s the top layer of the onion; a news story when something goes wrong. Like an instance where a teen gets some “bath salts” (a horrible name for people like I was; these chemicals in our small community were the ones we hated, that gave a bad name to the beneficial ones). And they were very addictive and had the ability to cause psychosis and death. And it is this fear from few cases I believe that closes the door on many amazing chemicals that I have personally experienced to be much better than what the US Pharmaceutical industry has been offering us the past 50+ years. News stories pounce on isolated cases to continue the fear that keeps these huge organizations running, that if they stopped running; millions of jobs would be lost and the economy crippled. So to keep things going smoothly, we must suffer in fear and lose out on the benefits modern scientific research and the best medicines of Nature has to offer.
This is just a small blog and I’m writing this off the cuff just to get it “on paper” so I won’t go into each chemical; I’m a bit hesitant to do so. There are HUGE risks in experimenting with unregulated chemicals. While you can do your homework with labs, other’s experiences, and some decent scales; you can have a sense of safety just enough to dive in; but going this route on your own can be disastrous. I know people doing 20 years in prison for importing large amounts of certain chemicals while the chemicals weren’t even illegal, but Homeland Security wanted to make an example of them with the “Analogue Law”.
I never sold any of these things as first off I’ve never been a good salesman, and second I couldn’t bring myself to distributing any of these chemicals knowing there were people not using precautions before using them and experimenting with their friends; this is how people die, and have died. Measure a dose without doing an “allergy test”, you end up dead. A vendor writing the wrong chemical name on a package and you don’t check it; you die. This is why there have been great communities that do “harm reduction” that haven’t been attacked as much as the underground networks that vend the chemicals. But still, I wouldn’t even write about those sites because I would NEVER recommend anyone experimenting with anything I ever have except a minute few under medical supervision which isn’t available right now. Your best bet is to just hope your state legalizes cannabis if it already hasn’t and be content with that!
It’s tough to talk about for various reasons. One, no one understands unless they have been there, two – I’ve seen things I can’t explain and is frustrating to try and will only sound crazy, and three – I really miss the adventure of taking a ride with new substance after substance; going through new door after door of the mind into uncharted Spiritual zones. Also I’m not sure how much fuel my brain has left to go on these as some can be very rugged and unwanted.
That’s about all I want to talk about right now. I’m on the tail end of this thing and not sure where it’s all going to fully stop or if it already has (I don’t take any legal chances as I did, walking on the “grey line” but once you gain knowledge in these area’s there are always legal ways to “travel”!). So it’s sad to talk about it as if it’s all over. I have personally tested over 100 chemicals, natural and synthetic. Excuse my pride but I was the first human even to try a few of them straight out of the lab from sheets of paper like an idiot, skipping the rats and getting right to it!
I’ve seen reality in ways most will never see it and I imagine there will always be a desire to go back to “that place” where things make a lot more sense than they do down here. And I’m not sure why God saw it fit to put me on the path I’ve been on and what I’m supposed to do with it. But the shame of doing things society deemed “wrong” to try and fix logical problems has left me. And now I have a lot of cool stories. Hopefully God will bless me with people to tell them too one day :)
There are tremendous medical benefits to so many of these chemicals but I realize I’m in no position to fund or promote higher research of them. I can only know my way around it all pretty well, and know which ones do have potential and which ones mainly only do lead to addiction. There are blurred lines all over the place and you must learn to know yourself very well and be willing to have your ego demolished! I do hope as society sees that cannabis isn’t something to be afraid of many other chemicals will get their chance to help mankind.
And where is the line drawn with Biblical “sorcery”? I’m still working on that. I don’t think it’s so much about the chemicals, but how you use them. There is very real evil and I have seen it more so on certain chemicals than others, and MUCH more research needs to be done in a professional setting. I can think of times I abused a chemical and had bad results, and other times really attempting to solve a problem for good and it working out. The possibilities are so exciting and I can’t wait for society to start to accept this field.
That’s all for now :P
(for a much more interesting read, check out this – http://www.vice.com/read/interview-with-ketamine-chemist-704-v18n2
And a great little video on the man who synthesized many of these chemicals, Alexandar Shulgin –